by Katie Heidorn

Sit me on your shelf,
On this lonely shelf.
All dressed up,
No one left.

Play with me.
Calling me,
Your squirrel, skylark.
I am your Dolly.

Why do I smile?
No reason to smile.
Is love gone?
I’m in denial.

Tossed on your bed,
Did I ask for the bed?
My clothes stripped.
My eyes red.

He strips my soul,
He lacks a soul.
Leaving me bruised,
I tried to say no.

Put back on the shelf
My desolate shelf
I scream, I plead.
No one can help.

The world today features a wellspring of differences and similarities. The current popular singers belt out lyrics from anything too sweet (such as Bruno Mar’s “Just the Way You Are”) to bittersweet (Eminem’s collaboration with Rihanna, forming the hit song “Love the Way You Lie”), showcasing the complex relations between individuals. Meanwhile, the scary success of Stephanie Meyer’s “Twilight” series seems to have propelled teens to seek out their “one” — or in the case of many girls, to get their guys to bite them. The main character Bella appears to be quite lost without Edward, her dependence on him setting girls back a few decades, while providing a rather sickening display of teenage angst.

Ayush Subedi | My Duhawk

But by and large, Americans have been fed and bred on the idea of romance and finding the one and attaining the ideal happily ever after marriage. One of my professors read off responses that kids as young as five or eight years old had provided in relation to love and relationships. The differences and similarities in conceptions and ideas were amusing to hear. One girl said she would wait until 84 years old to marry so she and her husband could just stay in bed together, or something remarkably similar to that. A young boy said  that he thought love was picking up the bill. All this makes one wonder, but also reflect upon our differences as a race, especially as some of these answers are condoned by society. While I could easily provide answers to questions about love and such, this is simply because I can state quite clearly, “I don’t know,” or “I’m not sure.” And really, I’m sure you only have a slight interest in what I think, because it is generally more important to know what the populace thinks (or so we may be lead to believe). In any case, this article was insanely hard to write due to the many beliefs and ideas and trends which exist in this world. Also, it is not for any of us really to say what is right or wrong because right and wrong are subjective human terms we use vaguely to isolate and consolidate our opinions to give them validity. Marriage between homosexuals, which has increased a bit in its acceptance by the heterosexual segment of the population, can neither be right nor wrong unless in our own minds we conceive it to be. The idealistic “reality” of love we so desperately cling to, is often times the illusion we create based on the assumptions we hold to be accurate.

The trends occurring today seem to follow a morbid path in a traditional sense—the divorce rate is higher, more teens are engaging in sexual activities before marriage and the rate of cohabitation is higher as well. But all this has much to do with change. The times are changing and traditional concepts of marriage, love and romance are also becoming less distinctive and a little more open to different interpretations.

With the arrival of Valentine’s Day, I’m sure that some of you were not too happy.

Gals, maybe some of you tried to ignore the day altogether, or perhaps you spent the day watching “chick flicks” and eating chocolate with your other single friends, lamenting the fact that there’s no man in your life. Guys, I have no idea what you’re thinking on that day.

Whatever your sentiments, I have news for you: Being single can be a blessing. Yes, you heard me right.

For many, it is a big goal to find a spouse, but it is not the most important thing in life. Life doesn’t begin when you meet your spouse. Life is now. If we live our single lives to the fullest, our married life (and life in general) will be so much richer. We should use this time of singleness to the fullest to explore new interests and nurture our gifts. Now is our time to find our corner of the world, how we are supposed to use our time, talents and gifts to better the world.

Who knows, maybe you’ll even find your soul mate as you go about this. Being single means that you can simply go about your day and make plans without thinking that you have to tell so-and-so or get his or her input before doing so. Thinking about going to graduate school or getting a job somewhere warmer? You don’t need to limit yourself to schools or jobs near your significant other. You are not defined by another person. You have the freedom to figure out who you really are. Sometimes it’s nice to be independent and fly solo.

Many people of college age are in serious relationships, engaged or already married. It is good to be able to have the advantage of watching other couples and relationships and seeing how they work things out. It is also good to see the problems that couples commonly encounter and need to work through. We singles have the advantage of seeing these things beforehand, and I think that we singles will have strengthened relationships down the road because of this.

There are definitely advantages to the single life and to waiting longer to meet the right person. Of course, it isn’t always easy to be single. Life sometimes seems like a waiting game. Some people have told me that it’s when they stopped looking that they finally met their spouse. maybe that means your heart is being saved for that special person you are meant to marry. I think that’s a beautiful thought.

Yes, that will be wonderful to find the person you’re meant to be with, but there is so much more to life than this. Don’t define your worth based on another person.

People who are in a (good) relationship, engaged, or married: I am so happy for you. Don’t worry, I am definitely not putting down couples. It must be wonderful to meet the right person. Until then, however, let’s remember that our lives don’t start when we meet Mr. or Mrs. Right.

Maybe we already know him or her and just don’t know that we’ll marry them. Maybe it will be another 20 years (or more) before our spouse comes into our life. Maybe you’re even called to live the single life. Let’s love life and live it to the fullest. May we be a blessing to others and, eventually, a blessing to the person who will bless our life abundantly.