DUBUQUE-Twenty-nine young children have gone through the home of licensed foster parent, Kim Small; nearly all have suffered from abuse, and the affects to their lives are apparent.
Small says that physical abuse is by far not the only mistreatment that wounds these children. Neglect, mental, and drug abuse all restrains a child from living a normal childhood.
“Her mother never physically hurt her, but she didn’t take care of her needs,” said Small.
Through the seven years of foster care the Small’s family of seven grew to a family of thirteen with the adoption of six of their previous foster children. Five of the six suffer from prior abuse.
“She was like a tin soldier,” this is the description Small gives to her first adoptive child seven days after she was born. This was the result of drug usage during pregnancy.
Small explains that the caressing given to a child at birth “helps them know that they are safe and okay.” She continues to comment that when the children are neglected of this care they take the guilt. Small says, “instead of feeling the care giver is bad they believe they are bad.”
One of Small’s biological daughters, Keturah Small, expresses that, “there are parts of them that will probably always be hurt.”
Although pain may never leave these innocent children, the Smalls believe their lives can be reshaped. Small comments that it’s no easy task, physically or emotionally. “Sometimes it’s a long time coming and you start to despair on whether they’ll ever make a connection with you.”
Kim Small draws attention to a task that is harder to overcome and it’s the emotional relationship between most parents and their children in situations of abuse, “Even though their parents have not kept them safe or been appropriate with them there is still something that makes them want to be with their parents.” And despite the harm these parents Small says, “They still worry about their children.”
Small says that for their family, “being able to give them opportunity to live in a different environment is the motive that makes their long run worth it.
Felicia Carner can be reached at felicia.carner@loras.edu
