It was just a year ago that I was studying materials engineering and had been doing research with a professor for over a year developing a ceramic orthopedic cement for hip replacements. I’d even had my research presented nationally. Furthermore, I had been dating an amazing woman for over a year (who I thought I was ready to marry).

Ironically, a year later, here I am in seminary pursuing a life of celibacy. A lot of people ask “what happened?” or “why did you do it?” and I usually find myself tongue-tied. But as a story of God’s grace, it ought to be told.

I hadn’t been thinking about the priesthood for that long. I hadn’t even gone to church regularly until I came to college, which is another story of God’s grace involving a good friend, Frisbee, and a broken foot (twice). Since then, God had been drawing me to Himself and into the church. When my third year rolled around, life was going wonderfully. Everything was working out for me – academic success, leadership in the church, great friendships and, of course, the girl. But deep down I wasn’t satisfied. I was holding back.

This all came to a head that December. I thought I was called to raise a family, but I wanted clarity, so I went on a silent retreat with the Jesuits – hoping to rule out celibacy. Instead, I was confronted the first night with a dreadful certainty that I was called to celibacy!

My soul was so filled with anguish at the thought of leaving my girlfriend that I went into the empty chapel and yelled at God for perhaps 10 minutes! After my fury was spent, He spoke to me in the depths of my heart, “Three days, wait three days.” I knew God wouldn’t force a vocation, and I was astonished to hear His voice. Filled with peace, I resolved to wait.

That week, God used the silence. He led me into the desert and spoke to my heart (Hosea 2:16). On that third day, He revealed my fears regarding a radical vocation. Dissolving them in His Love, He replaced them with a burning desire to do exactly what I’d just feared, to become a radical gift to Him! I still didn’t know what that meant, but for the first time I was totally open to His will in that regard.

A month later, I was back in school and had become quite sure that engineering wasn’t it. I was also beginning to imagine myself in the place of the priest, holding the Eucharist up to heaven. I shared this with my girlfriend, and to my amazement she not only supported, but encouraged, me. As I prayed that week, I knew I couldn’t finish out engineering and I was waiting for a direction.

Sure enough, that Thursday night was Operation Andrew, where the Archbishop and dozens of priest came to talk over dinner with men considering the priesthood. As that night drew on, a calling to the seminary sunk in. I wasn’t certain about diocesan priesthood, but I knew seminary was the next step, wherever God was calling me. The rest of that week, I was filled with an intense spirit of joy and generosity, clear confirmation of the calling I’d just received.

In closing, I urge all discerning a vocation to put your total trust in God, to cast out into the deep, and to listen to Jesus tell you in the depths of your heart, “Do not be afraid, I Love You.”